6 Laws of Persuasion (Part 4) - Liking

Why do companies hire sales people who are attractive, charismatic and courteous? Why are sales people always smiling, dressed well and complimenting you? 

It is because they all want to influence you and they want to do it using the social influence of Liking (Part 4 of this 6 part series on persuasion.) 

Let's examine how you can use this influence to your advantage and also how you can protect yourself.   

Basic Premise

• People respond positively to people they know and like (think of your friends) 

• As humans, we want people to like us so we are automatically inclined to like people who like us

How People Take Advantage of Liking

• Good looking people are better liked and seen as possessing better personality traits and intellectual abilities. This is why companies hire attractive sales people and why good sales people always dress very nicely. 

Even world leaders practice mirroring!

• People like other people who are similar to themselves so one effective technique that many sales people or anyone building rapport uses is "mirroring", which means that they mimic the other person's gestures, body language, expressions, tones, etc. (You probably don't even realize this is happening) 

• Since people like others who like them, compliments are used to get on the "good side" of a client although this may backfire if it doesn't seem sincere. 

• Effective persuaders will build an "allies" approach because it creates more rapport. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" 

• The more familiar you are with something or someone, the more you like it. This is why visibility in a company is important. Basically, you want to be seen frequently but only in a positive light. This is how persistent guys get the girl but remember persistence is only one part of the equation, the other part is that the girl needs to see you in a positive light during each encounter. (Also see my post titled An Insight into Attraction)  

• Humans usually associate the nature of news to the messenger (weatherman, "killing of the messenger") so good sales people associate themselves with positive things such as lunch and goodies (have you ever attended a pharmaceutical sales meeting?)

Best Defense

• Be very sensitive to a quick or deep liking to a sales person (reflect on the sales person's behavior)

• Separate the salesperson from the merits of what he is trying to sell

Seemingly Useless Commentary: As you are probably noticing, many of these influence principles are not difficult to use (and abuse). It is important to remember that these are tools and like a gun, they can be used for both good and evil (how cliché I know). It is up to you to decide how you want to use such information but one thing that can't be argued is that awareness already gives you a layer of defense against being influenced by these tactics.  

Next Principle of Influence: Authority

6 Laws of Persuasion (Part 3) - Social Proof

You've been there before. A crowd gathers and you can't help but walk over and before you know it the crowd is growing exponentially. In part 3 of this 6 part series on persuasion, we're going to look at one of the most powerful influences: Social Proof.

This is slightly related to "unconscious imitation" which I discuss in one of my earlier posts (Monkey See Monkey Do). Anyways, "no man is an island" and our need for social acceptance and belonging has been used against us probably too many time and in too many ways. 

But like most of these influences, awareness is the first step to take back control:

Basic Premise

• People determine what is correct by finding out and observing what OTHER PEOPLE think is correct (that's why laugh tracks were invented)
• Looking to others provides us with a shortcut for determining how to act ESPECIALLY when the "others" are viewed as being similar (Showing shy kids films of other shy kids actively interacting with other children can have a powerful effect; On a more morbid note, the fact that suicide rates go up on highly publicized suicides)
• This influence is also very powerful in unfamiliar or ambiguous situations (just think back to the last time you were in a foreign country or restaurant - this is why Yelp is so popular as well)

How People Take Advantage of Social Proof

• "Everyone is doing it...Everyone owns one..." - It was known as peer pressure in my adolescent days but whatever it is called the good ol' Bandwagon effect exists because everyone wants to belong
• Want to golf like Tiger Woods, Want to look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, Want to join our club? then (fill in the blank)- Who doesn't want to be cool or do what the "smart money is doing"?
• As you can see, anyone that recognizes the power of this influence can take advantage of it by providing an environment where people act a certain way or needs to act a certain way in order to be accepted

Best Defense

• Be firm in your own beliefs and instincts and be aware that others may be misinformed or may have a hidden reason for the action they are advocating
• Try to think back to when "similar" people were doing the opposite and recognize that you are free to make your own choices  
• When joining any group (club, company, culture), remember that they may be susceptible to group think
• Now that you are aware of this influence, recognize when social proof is being deliberately faked to achieve a certain purpose

Some Seemingly Useless Advice: For anyone in an emergency situation where a crowd is present, dispel the uncertainty of the crowd by pinpointing an individual and directly asking for help (i.e.  "Call an ambulance", "dial 911", etc) . If you leave it up to the crowd, then if most people are not doing anything (bystander effect), most likely others will follow suit and if you have ever heard of Kitty Genovese, Hugo Alredo Tale-Yax or Simone Back, you know the results can be very tragic.

Next Principle of Influence: Liking

6 Laws of Persuasion (Part 2) - Commitment and Consistency

In the last post, we saw how someone can completely influence another by giving a small gift and requesting a disproportionate favor in return. In part 2 of a 6 part series on Robert B. Cialdini's six principles influence ("You've Been Had - the Power of Persuasion" article), we'll see how something as innocent as trying to be consistent can make you susceptible to influence.  


Basic Premise

• People fool themselves in order to keep thoughts, attitudes and beliefs consistent with their words, decisions and actions.

• Hypocrisy is shunned by society - (e.g. Eliot Spitzer)

• Consistency provides a heuristic short cut for complex decision-making - (e.g. Judicial Precedents - what did we do before)

How People Take Advantage of Commitment and Consistency

• Toy stores "sell out" of the hottest toys but then overstock after the holiday season to trap parents who promise to buy their kids the "hot" toy while also buying them a "substitute" toy during the holidays

• Expert salesmen start by obtaining small commitments and then building on these commitments: change a person's self image and his actions will follow

• Those who go through a great deal of pain to obtain something tend to value it more than those who attained the same thing without effort (e.g. military/fraternity hazings) thus

• Commitments are most effective when they are ACTIVE, PUBLIC, EFFORTFUL and MADE FREELY -> Personal responsibility makes it difficult to refuse a request consistent with your commitment (e.g. Person committed to fight AIDS will donate time and money to AIDS charities in order to remain consistent with his commitments)

• People may become stuck to their initial commitment despite changing conditions and act contrary to their own best interest

Best Defense

• Trust your gut instinct: Don't be pressured to accepting requests for something that you don't want to do, no matter how small or inconsequential the commitment may seem (e.g. signing a petition or putting a politician's sign on your lawn)

• Ask yourself this one question: "If I could go back in time, would I make the same decision again?" - Use this when you feel that you may be acting "foolishly" consistent.

Next Principle of Influence: Social Proof

6 Laws of Persuasion (Part 1) - Reciprocity

Ever wonder why anyone that is ever selling anything is always giving something small away for free or how a "random" gift is usually followed by a request?  Well look no further, in the first of Robert B. Cialdini's six principles influence ("You've Been Had - the Power of Persuasion" article), we'll see exactly why this happens.

Basic Premise

• People feel indebted to others when they receive something from another person - "I scratch your back, you scratch mines"

• Those who do not reciprocate are seen as "takers" and suffer social disapproval as being greedy or selfish

How People Take Advantage of Reciprocity

• Unequal exchanges where someone gives a small gift but asking for a substantially larger favor in return - Ever get a free T-shirt but had to sign up for a credit card with an annual fee

• Most people take advantage by choosing both the indebting first favor AND the nature of the debt canceling favor

• Compromise => Concession Process where you make an extreme request first (one that is likely to be rejected) and then after the refusal, "conceding" to the smaller but actual intended request. "Heads I win, Tails you lose"

Best Defense

• Realize that there is no need to repay tricks/sales schemes with favors

• Be prepared to reject favors, concessions and offers no matter how small
  

Next Principle of Influence: Commitment and Consistency

6 Laws of Persuasion Series (Part 0)

One thing that most people strive ardently to avoid is being "taken in". No one wants to be manipulated but yet so many people (myself included) are secretly influenced all the time.

Whether it is shopping at the supermarket, negotiating a contract or deciding where to go on vacation, we are bombarded by persuasion techniques that we are not aware of.

So how can we protect ourselves? Well, learning and recognizing the principles of influence may provide a good starting point.

Robert B. Cialdini is a world famous psychologist who has extensively studied influence. He categorizes influence into six principles (click on the links for each principle):

1) Reciprocity

2) Commitment and Consistency

3) Social Proof

4) Liking

5) Authority

6) Scarcity

When I first read this book, it really opened my eyes to how often I am hit with influence tactics. Some of this stuff is intuitive but it helped to know what each tactic is and what I could do to protect myself. Over the next 6 posts, each of these principles will be defined and put into a context that you can recognize along with ways to defend yourself against such tactics.

As we go through these principles, remember that there is a fine balance between cynicism and gullibility. I personally believe it is no fun going through life distrusting others but it is up to you to decide what is best for you. 

Recommended Reading: Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini

How to Define Success

Success is what you make it to be. When you don't have a dream, you end up taking on someone else's dream. If you ever needed a template for success, Mr. Emerson provides a good starting point (remember - you need to create your own)

"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intellingent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Get Smart! Get Advice from the Greats

Here are some quotes that I find to be somewhat appropriate in today's global environment:

Moving too fast?:

"What is the use of running if you're not on the right road" - Anonymous

If only people listened to Ben (and I don't mean Bernanke. Anyways, for more of Poor Richard's pearls of wisdom click here):

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" - Benjamin Franklin

Come on now, it isn't all bad:

"We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it in full" - Marcel Proust (this one is too true)

"Good judgment comes from experience and experience usually comes from bad judgment" - Anonymous (I'm more experienced than I thought.)


Here is a Bonus Quote (On first reading I thought it was pretty useless but after further observations this quote was only seemingly useless):

"There is nothing in which people more betray their character than in what they laugh at" - Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

So, if you really want to get to know someone, take them to a comedy show and see what jokes they laugh at. You will be surprised at how right Johann was.